life has became meaningless for me. i have no goal in life! and that is killing me. really. do you know how painful it is to have no goal in life??? its those kind of pain that will stab you yet not kill you but let you bleed slowly and die even more slowly. the painful part is not the stabbing. yet it is the knowledge of your own soon-coming yet not-coming death. the feeling is painful. simply painful.

i spent today like a wanderer. i was at home the whole day(not including night)yet i miraclously spent the day like a wanderer. how did i wander??? i wandered from room to room not knowing what to do.

before that, lets talk about sleeping. in the morning, i woke up at 9.30. but i got up at 11. why??? because i thought: "if i have nothing to do, might as well sleep more instead of forcing yourself to do something." so i got myself to lie in bed for another 1 hour and 30 minutes thing of what to do for the whole day. i know, i am mad, but what should i have done???

after i woke up, i tried making myself spend 1 hour on eating but i failed. very badly. i only took 10 minutes.

i slacked around. i went so desperate i almost wanted to teach my sister(her exams are coming) although i don't make a good teacher. i gave the idea up because she was doing compo. so i went to play with owen instead.

can you imagine it??? a 14 year old playing with a 4 year old out of boredom. but he wanted to draw and there was nothing i could do for him in the field of art and so i went away.

i watched xiao2 bao3 yu3 kang1 xi1 and i did that for the whole day. i was bored! really. i was!

then in the evening, we went to people's park to buy new clothes for a wedding dinner. its on next friday. oh i might have dalt. oh no. nvm. i'll think about it when the time comes. now, i came up with a plan during shopping. i will go on 'lone soaking' tmr. but the plan was rejected by my mummy. and when she finally agreed, it was unwillingly. so i will not be going 'lone soaking' tmr. there goes the plan.

i am bored. i have no short-term goal. and that is bad.

i am bored. really.